Invitation Etiquette
By Tracy Bloom Schwartz, CSEP

First impressions count the most… remember this when ordering your wedding invitations, as they set the tone for your wedding and guide your guests as to what to expect from your day. Invitations are delivered in a package. This package may contain some or all of the following elements.

Invitation Package elements:

Outer Envelopes
The outer envelopes are used to mail the invitation, response set, inner envelope and other related information. This is the first impression of your wedding!
The front of the envelope is addressed to the individual, couple or family invited. Although, you may be having a casual wedding it is recommended to use surnames for the address
Examples:
Individual:            Mr. Fred Smith
Couple - option 1: Mr & Mrs. Fred Smith
Couple - option2:  Mr. Fred Smith
                         Miss Sarah James
Couple - option3:  Miss Sarah James and Guest

The mailing stamp should be placed on the upper right hand corner of the envelope. We strongly recommend taking a completed invitation packet to the post office to confirm postage requirements. Standard one-ounce postage holds for all envelopes between the sizes of 3 1/2" x 5" and 6 1/8" x 11 1/2" and no more then one ounce. Most invitations are within these parameters. Square or other odd shaped envelopes require 11 cents extra postage, unless they are over one ounce, then the additional postage for the weight will be enough. The current rates as of the US Postal Services latest change of 7/1/2001 are $.34 for one ounce, $.57 for up to two ounces. For additional rate information, contact the Postal Service.

The back flap of this envelope should be embossed or personalized with the return address of the host. Most often we match the type and printing style from the actual invitation. The return address is necessary for the post office to return any mail that is undeliverable. Traditionally the host's are the parents of the bride. Often, the bride will act as the "host" for the purpose of managing the invitations, responses, etc.

Inner Envelope
In a traditional package, the inner envelope is used to contain the invitation and any enclosures (detailed below). It does not have glue on the flap and it is usually lined. The address of this envelope bears the surnames of the members of the family you want to invite as your guests.

• Example: Outer Envelope says: Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, the Inner Envelope says Mr. and Mrs. Doe. You may also opt to say John and Mary Doe and make it a bit more personal.
• If children are invited, they would be listed on the inner envelope by name, for example:
  Mr. and Mrs. Doe
  Susan, Mike and Rachel Doe

In the event you use a single card invitation, an inner envelope is not necessary.

Envelope Linings
The envelope lining is paper or fabric that is cut to the exact size of the envelope and flap and glued to the inside of the envelope. Its purpose is to dress up the inserted piece, and for that reason, there is a wide selection of textures and colors. Linings are used most often for the inner envelope, as well as the informal or thank you note envelopes.

Invitation
This is the central element of the invitation package and should inform invited guests of the host, the honored party, and the date, time and place of the event.

The most traditional invitations are in the form of a folder with the invitation text personalized on the front or a folder with the names or a monogram on the front and the invitation text on the inside. Though the traditional invitation shape is rectangular and color is ecru, paper styles, texture, color and shape are unlimited.

In our more casual culture of today, the trend is toward a card with the invitation text centered on the front. Again, the shape, style and design of a card is unlimited and is reflective of the bride and groom's lifestyle and/or the wedding event.

Wording on the invitation
There are many alternatives for wording on invitations - elements to include are: hosts, time, date, location and what guests should expect at the wedding (i.e. ceremony, reception, meal, dancing).
Hosts are "giving" the wedding - there is a broad range of opportunities here. Below are some examples:

Mother and Father of the bride -
Mr & Mrs. Fred Smith invite you to the marriage of their daughter Pam.

Both sets of parents -
Mr. & Mrs. Fred Smith along with Mr. & Mrs. Howard Jones invite you to join in the celebration of their children Pam Smith and Roger Jones.

The couple -
Pam Smith and Roger Jones invite you to join them in the celebration of their wedding.

Tissues
Once a practical necessity, tissue is now an option. Before modern, fast drying inks were developed, tissue was used to cover the printed surface. Tissue is both porous and light enough to stick to the ink without smearing. Including tissue today is just a tradition. We typically recommend only using tissue with a very traditional formal style invitation.

Response Set
Tradition and etiquette suggest that one need not include a reply set in the invitation - guests should know to use their personal stationery to respond to an invitation. Given the fast paced world, we suggest helping guests by giving them a personalized response set. The response set is composed of a personalized card and a pre-addressed, stamped envelope. Wording should match the formality of the occasion and allow you to gather the information you need. In many communities, the card has been adapted to provide a space for the guest's name and a space for the response. Additionally, you will want to know the number of guests (for example, if you've invited a family with children), and if the event venue allows for meal choices, they can be specified on the card. Reply cards should state a date when the response is expected - this should be determined by the date required by the venue for number of guarantees.

Reception Card
The reception card invites your guests to the wedding reception and is sent along with the invitation to the ceremony when these events are at separate locations. It should inform them about the date, time and location of where the reception will take place. It should be specific on what to expect, i.e. dinner and dancing, luncheon, or reception only.
If the reception immediately follows the ceremony and is in the same location, a separate card is not required. A reception card should be sent for all formal affairs. If budget is an issue, and space allows, reception information can be included with the information to the ceremony.

Assembling your invitations
When using two envelopes, the inner envelope is unsealed and inserted into the outer envelope so the guest's name is seen as the outer envelope is opened.

The invitation and enclosure cards are placed into the inner envelope in order of size behind the invitation. As the invitation is the most important element for the guest to see, it remains on top. The largest enclosure cards are placed farthest from the invitation. When enclosure cards of the same size are used, the most important card for your guests to see should be placed closest to the invitation.

The reply envelope is placed face down on top of the reception card. The reply card is slipped face up beneath the flap of the envelope.

The inside envelope is placed into the outside envelope. The front of the inside envelope faces the back of the outside envelope.

Timing for Invitations
Invitations should be sent 4-6 weeks prior to the date of the wedding.
Response cards should be returned generally speaking by 2 weeks prior to the actual date.

Travel Information
Travel and hotel arrangements - can be sent separately to out of town guests.
Can be included.

Tips on ordering your invitations
Base the number of invitations you order on guests within households, not per guest.
Remember to include everyone in the wedding party as well as your officiate.
Order at least 25 extra invitations for keepsakes and to cover for last minute guests. Reordering additional invitations, which in most cases can be done in quantities of 25, may be almost as expensive as your original order.
Order extra inner and outer envelopes, as they will be valuable if mistakes are made while addressing.
Addressing of the double envelopes (outer and inner) serves a useful purpose; it permits the bride and groom to be very specific as to who is invited. Only the names of the people mentioned in the inner envelopes are expected as your guests.
Assign a number to each of your guests and lightly write that number on the back of the response card. It will allow you to know to whom the response cards belongs in case your guests accidentally omit their name.

How to use titles correctly

Mr.: Any man, single or married, not using a professional title
Miss: Any woman who has never been married or any woman whose marriage has been annulled.
Ms.: Any single woman over the age of 21, or any woman using a professional name regardless of
marital status, or any divorced or widowed woman with no children.
Ms. is not for use on formal stationery and is not an abbreviation.
Mrs.: Any legally married woman, or any divorced woman who has retained her married name, or a widowed woman who has not remarried.

Dr.: Any person holding a professional medical degree. "Dr." is not the same as
a Ph.D.

Use of Plurals

When names end in:
"o" add an "s"
"s" add an "es"
"sh" add "es"
"ch" add "es"
"y" add "s"
"z" add "es"
"x" add "es"

Author's Information:
Tracy Bloom Schwartz, CSEP 301-654-9292
Creative Parties, Ltd. tracybloom@cparties.com
8011 Woodmont Avenue
Bethesda, MD 20814
www.cparties.com